Thursday, September 20, 2012

199 Days Left

There's a personalized pregnancy countdown on the homepage of one of the websites I visit daily. The night I found out I was pregnant, it said, "258 days left," and I remember wishing I could just wake up the next day and have it say, "199 days left." I wanted to skip right over all the 200s--right over the majority of my first trimester--and just start at 199.

It obviously didn't happen overnight like that. In fact, these 59 days have draaaaagggged on and on, just like I knew they would. These have been the longest 2 months of my life... but today's the day. I have 199 days left of this pregnancy.

And I'm sure you expected me to say this, but I'm glad. I'm grateful I had to trudge through those 59 long, long days. Was I scared? You bet your ass I was. I'm still scared every day.

But every day has been amazing, too. I haven't taken one second of this pregnancy for granted, and I know that I've made memories that will last forever. I'll never forget the way Danny kissed my belly when I first told him I was pregnant. I'll never forget how absolutely blown away I was when the ER doctor told me I still had a viable pregnancy. I'll never forget Danny's sobs when we saw our tiny baby on the ultrasound screen and heard his/her perfect heartbeat for the first time. I'll never forget watching our baby dance at our 10-week ultrasound appointment, or listening to his/her heartbeat on my home doppler, and playing it over the phone for Danny. I'll remember everything.

A lot of things have been stolen from Danny and me, and I'm bitter about it. I hate that my miscarriages happened to us. Every day of this pregnancy is more precious, though--more celebrated, more memorable--than it would have been had we not suffered.

199 days left. And every single one will be glorious.

No comments: