I keep adding paragraphs to this thing in hopes of better explaining myself. Somebody, stop me.
The ol' blog's going private next week—temporarily, most likely. I use the term "private" rather loosely, as I'll gladly grant you access if you send me (email@example.com) your e-mail address.
I'm feeling very vulnerable at the moment (Of the four hundred people who read my post about my latest miscarriage, about a dozen reached out.), and while I do enjoy sharing my story—and appreciate every single one of my creepers (that's a term of endearment)—I need to know who's following along right now.
I hate having to share news (i.e., pregnancies) retrospectively, so I'm going to be more in-the-moment with regards to what my uterus is up to—but I have to know who knows what; shit's about to get really personal up in this bitch. :) I loved being able to be document my feelings during the first trimester of my pregnancy with Arlo, and the only reason I felt comfortable enough to do so was because my blog was private.
I should note that this security change is mainly an attempt to keep track of which people from my IRL world are reading my blog. (Let me add that I'm glad you are! I just have to know who you are.) I wish there was a way to keep things open to all of the loss mamas who happened upon it during or after their own darkest days, but that's impossible. I want you to know that you are the reason I started this blog, and you are the reason I continue it.
To anybody who doesn't want to come out of the closet right now, I'll make all my posts visible to you again once I'm able to go public with a pregnancy—so you'll be able to catch up then, if you feel so inclined. See you soon, I hope!
(Oh, and I'm doing this now, rather than later, because it would be really obvious what was going on if I were to randomly do it two or three months from now. That would basically be the equivalent of posting a picture of a positive pregnancy test or something.)