Tuesday, August 14, 2012

6 Weeks = Sweet Pea (And Some Sad News)

I'm actually 6 weeks, 2 days pregnant today, and our baby is approximately the size of a sweet pea. Danny remembered to buy sweet peas when he got groceries this week. How cute is that? I picked the largest sweet pea I could find to reflect these extra two days.

We waited to take these photos until we knew Sweet Pea was okay. We had a serious scare on Saturday, and we didn't know until today that everything's still on track.

So, Saturday. Lots of blood and clots. I had every reason to believe I was miscarrying, and I almost just let nature run its course, but I figured we should head to the ER so they could confirm that it was over.

Imagine our surprise when the doctor told us that Sweet Pea was measuring right on track with a heart rate of 103bpm! He told me this rate was on the low side, which I knew was bullshit. Anything over 90 is bangin' for a 5w6d baby. Some babies don't even have a heartbeat this early.

He went on to say that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH), which I still don't entirely understand. All I heard was "...does increase the risk of miscarriage..." and "...very well could still miscarry..." He sent us home and told me not to leave my bed until I could see my OB. We spent the weekend not even knowing what to think, and trying (and failing) not to fall in love with Sweet Pea until my OB could (hopefully) put our minds at ease.

My appointment with my OB was today. I can't tell you how nervous we were. When the sonographer said, "Baby has a heart rate of 129!" Danny wailed. It was one of the most wonderful sounds I've ever heard, second only to the sound of our baby's heartbeat. Baby is measuring 6w2d, which is exactly where he/she should be.

Here comes the crazy stuff. My OB is very pleased with Sweet Pea's progress, but she told us that my SCH is a complex hemorrhage, which means it was most likely a twin that passed away. I actually was miscarrying on Saturday. Apparently, this is called "Vanishing Twin Syndrome" and happens more often than people realize. The remaining tissue--the SCH--poses no risk to Sweet Pea. How's that for bittersweet? I'm doing my best not to dwell on what we've lost, and instead, focus my attention on the healthy little baby we do have, but wow. How much shit do we have to go through?

I'll probably mention them often, but I'll never really write about my miscarriages because its the kind of pain that I could never put into words--but suffice it to say that when we suffered our first two losses, not only did we mourn our babies, we mourned a version of the future that we'll never, ever get to live. This is how I feel about today's news. We've been robbed of yet another version of the future--this time, one with twins. They would have been best buddies. I can't believe we have three babies in heaven.

But Sweet Pea's still here--and healthy, and I'm head over heels in love.    

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